Experience vs Expectation

Today's skype on theory and frameworks was an interesting conversation. We discussed the idea of dualist approaches, teaching for individual perception and expression and what expectations meant to us and why?

I can admit after the last skype, I felt very unsure, nervous even, I felt I had hit the brick wall and didn't really understand what I am trying to achieve with my module three inquiry. The inquiry feels very personal to me, not only because I am part of the ethnographic research, as the participant and researcher but because the inquiry feels like a long time coming. I'm looking for a transformational shift in my practice and through my own experiences I know as I continue to research, collect data and analyse, there will be tremendous benefit for the students I teach, because my discoveries will continue to evolve my teaching practice. As we know we set the environment of our classes, and a more embodied and somatic approach, is one I think will bring light to students on how it feels to find out about yourself when moving. 

We discussed expectations today, one I must say I have struggled with as both a dancer and a teacher, I'm becoming very conscious about the way I deliver in classes because I know every learner is vulnerable and the content I teach and premise I set, will be impactful on the students dance experience. 

From the skype today, others spoke about bodily intelligence and the perception of how it felt to move and experience dance. We discussed conflict of fitting our bodies to another persons, maybe one with more life experience such as teacher and choreographer. When really we have the most beautiful body of all, it is unique and characterised as us. This took me back to my experiences as a child, learning Ballet. Fantastic teacher learned so much, but I always felt my body was never designed to dance. It was almost like trying on a coat with the perfect fit, however I never quite felt the perfect fit when I moved, as I never knew what I was feeling was ambiguity and frustration, trying to meet the ideal which would never work for my body. Until I transitioned to the last year of University, I battled with the ideals of what I thought I should dance like vs the acceptance of the body I had, and learning to appreciate how I moved. The one time I felt a sense of authenticity when dancing, was when creating choreography as there was no prerequisite of what was right and wrong. I have spoken about this in Module 1 and part of Module two, and can now feel an acceptance for the way I move and transform that thinking to conscious acceptance. The environment allowed me to flourish but my own ideals of what I thought I should be as a dancer aesthetically held me back. 

I remember in my first year of teaching, my students didn't quite perform to aesthetic expectations of a grading criteria of a specific qualification. I remember feeling so disheartened, thinking I've failed I've let them down, they didn't perform it how it was taught or how I had exposed them to the professional repertoire. It's only until recently that I realised there was something much more valuable about that experience, the experience of students performing for themselves, communicating and educating the audience about their own personal experience of learning. I know, an important part of dance history is the aesthetic nature of moving, the lines the shapes the experience, and if the technique does not provide the highest replication, this can take away from the intention and purpose. But it was really interesting that until recently, I hadn't thought of that experience like that. At the time, I positively encouraged students with critical feedback that empowered them but allowed them to reflect, but maybe if I had reflected deeply on the environment I had created, maybe I would have viewed my teaching practice differently. 

When I have been learning as a student, I remembered how it felt to be free and move for joy! I can't say I remember this much, as I have been focused on what I should be, what expectations I should have of myself, I don't think this is a bad thing just a consensus for progression, but when approached in a positive way. My first worry when collecting data would be the preconceived thoughts the examiner watching my footage would have of me. Just like the discussion today about the dancer in Singapore, improvising when making a 'mistake'. It makes me question how my students feel when they are filmed for assessments or asked to do something out of their comfort zone? Do they feel intimidated, nervous and worried about what I will think?

I remember teaching yesterday, and in a syllabus class I have started asking students to perform the exercises as solo's, but with others standing in the space as a supportive mechanism. The first two weeks, students felt uncomfortable with this. I felt awful, I thought maybe that's too much out of their comfort zone, but I decided to stick with it and now students are thriving and asking me to perform on their own. I still feel they could have more confidence and more feeling behind their movement, as I don't want them to miss out on their own joyful experience of moving, because they are worried about what myself or the examiner may think. It's amazing, that by placing myself in the student experience, I may have been nervous about asking students to do this. But now I've experienced from a student perspective how it feels to overcome ambiguity, I feel I can facilitate a nurturing, supportive but individually challenging environment. 

"Consideration of the dance student as a person involved in education rather than simply a body to be trained is imperative in transformative dance technique pedagogy" (p.68)

Dryburgh, J (2019) Location of Possibilities. Journal of Dance Education, 19(3). [Accessed 11 October 2020]. Available at: https://www-tandfonline-com.ezproxy.mdx.ac.uk/doi/pdf/10.1080/15290824.2018.1451647?needAccess=true.